Self's the Man

Self's the Man

 Self’s the Man takes a look at Larkin’s view on marriage through comparing a married man and a single one, and focuses intently on the sexism in relationships and his own predisposed negativity towards women.

 He first explains how “Arnold”, the persona’s friend, is “less selfish than” him, justifying this comment through the fact that he “married a woman to stop her getting away” – a poor justification and a hint into the selfishness character of the persona we’re reading from.

 The rhyme scheme is AABB, mostly ‘half-rhymes’ which connote a lack of commitment to one another, a symbol for the true relationship that Arnold and his nameless wife have.

 There’s a sense of entrapment in the relationship, with the male marrying the woman to “keep her,” rather than marrying for love. Though it first appears the focus of the poem should be related to the harsh characters of the men, it actually takes focus on the women being mindless and selfish themselves.

 Though Arnold has, as Larkin proposes, ‘trapped’ his wife, the woman “takes” “the money he gets for wasting his life on work” “as her perk.” The poem has Larkin’s usual sarcastic tone when it comes to describing the lives of others around him, viewing them as lesser than him and more forgettable.

 His implication towards romance in this poem expresses his belief that in this relationship there isn’t much, a sad take on love for his friend, one who he sees as being the trapped one in the relationship.

 Throughout the poem, Larkin’s sarcastic tone resembles a childish cockiness to cover the emptiness Larkin feels towards his own unmarried life – “So he and I are the same” – only he is single in his entrapment, more selfish to keep feelings to himself and less open.

 He’s open about comparing their lives, too, but still hints towards the fact he might feel some guilt and shame for doing so. “Makes me feel a swine,” as though his life should be placed above Arnold’s because he hasn’t given his control to a woman.

 He concludes, “He and I are the same, only I’m a better hand at knowing what I can stand!” like most of his poems, this one ends with Larkin consciously agreeing with himself that he’s in a better position to his friends and the people around him, because he hasn’t conformed to the idea that you need a “woman” – a nameless woman – in order to make him happy.